From calculus to balance sheets, journal and ledgers

As I calculated the journal entries for the fifteenth time, unable to find where I commited the mistake, I remembered how I felt miserable about differential and integral calculus. Almost everyone had some know how of the parts, but I sat blank. That was a time cherishable, the engineering college tea and a weed is the best Indian institutes can promise of. The gangs, the fights and mass bunks marked out my delightful days, which now is only a 2 hours sleep. Somewhere between those in lab experiments and case studies, which people refer to as getting matured, I lost myself. Indeed that was a physical life, and this is more of the stressful endeavour, one which I or even safely saying no one wants. Some things don't change. Earlier it was the viva which I was damn scared of, now it's the quiz that palpitates me. I still remember those walks holding her hands while waiting for the results in the wee hours, on a horrible University website. The same goes here too, it's more of classmates now. Give the time, everything will fall in place, is what seniors recommend me. I remember them who inhaled pot and made the worries shoo away, be it results or a girl matter. The animal in me has either died or is tranquilized, and now it's no more a soul but only a breathing body, and for the heart? I wonder if it's there or not.  What am I supposed to to be doing, still puzzles me. The puppet soul still dances on the marionette's fingers. Shall it change? If so, will it be for a betterment! Murkiness has never let me alone, be it the infamous calculus days or the inglourious financial days, but then, I'm still waiting on the ledgers accounts to solve by themselves.